The Heart of a Champion

In the quiet sanctuary of an early morning, when the world is still and the mist rises over calm waters, an Olympian sits alone in her boat. She has felt the thrill of victory and the sting of defeat. Through the years, she’s discovered that the most significant battles are not fought with oars or in courtrooms but within one’s soul.

This article, inspired by the profound journey of Caryn Davies, delves into the themes of vulnerability, belonging, and the relentless pursuit of self-acceptance. Her story, culled from an enlightening conversation with Kwame Christian on Negotiate Anything, serves as a powerful testament to the unwavering spirit of human resilience.

A Tale of Triumph and Tribulation

Caryn Davies, an Olympic gold medalist and lawyer, has lived a life many dream of. Yet, her true journey began not in the euphoria of victory, but in the challenges that followed. In 2019, seven years after retiring with two Olympic golds, Caryn decided to reenter the fray, aiming for the Tokyo 2020 Games. What ensued was a testament to the highs and lows of elite sportsmanship and life itself.

The Goals: Learning and Teamwork

Returning to the sport, Caryn set two critical goals for herself: to learn something new and to be the best teammate she could be. These goals, she believed, would be her guiding lights, regardless of whether she made the team. Little did she know, they would also lead her to a path of profound personal growth.

The Struggle for Belonging

The initial phase was anything but easy. Surrounded by younger, faster teammates, Caryn felt a stark sense of estrangement. As she pushed her body to its limits, she kept herself isolated, unknowingly projecting an air of entitlement. Her resolve to prove her worth led her to neglect the essential human connections that define team dynamics.

Then came the global disruption of the COVID-19 pandemic. The Tokyo Games were postponed, extending her challenging journey by another year. In the solitude of training in quarantine, Caryn made a pivotal decision—to connect on a deeper level with her teammates.

The Power of Vulnerability

Determined to mend the frayed bonds, Caryn embarked on a series of difficult conversations. She reached out to each of her 30 teammates, asking, “What can I do to be a better teammate?” These conversations were heart-wrenching. Some responses brought tears of gratitude, others exposed long-held animosities. Yet, each provided valuable insights into the perceptions and unspoken expectations within the team.

One particularly stinging revelation came from a teammate who accused Caryn of acting entitled. It was a moment of painful clarity: her silence, driven by fear, was perceived as arrogance. This feedback shattered her assumptions and laid bare the urgent need for authentic vulnerability.

Transformative Transparency

Understanding the necessity of opening up, Caryn began to share her struggles—her fears of not making the team, the relentless pressure, and the physical toll of training at an advanced athletic age. This shift in behavior fostered a new atmosphere of mutual support and empathy among her teammates. They, too, began to share their vulnerabilities, creating a cohesive, united front. The camaraderie born from these shared experiences became an unexpected source of personal and collective strength.

Compassion as a Catalyst

Caryn’s story beautifully illustrates the role of compassion in fostering teamwork. By prioritizing the well-being and perspectives of others, she was able to turn a group of competitors into a supportive community. Compassion, therefore, is not merely an emotional response but an active practice crucial for any team striving together toward a common goal.

Adjusting the Rhythm

A powerful lesson from Caryn’s journey is the concept of adjusting one’s rhythm to be in harmony with the team. It’s metaphorically akin to rowing—each stroke needs to be synchronized for the boat to glide efficiently. In life and leadership, this principle underscores the importance of empathy and adaptive communication.

Overcoming Internal Barriers

One of the most poignant elements of this story is the internal conversation—how Caryn had to confront her fears and insecurities. The relentless pursuit of excellence often ties self-worth to achievement, making it difficult to show oneself compassion. High achievers like Caryn wrestle with the paradox of needing to maintain their edge while learning to accept their human limitations.

Self-Directed Compassion

Embracing self-directed compassion involves recognizing that one’s intrinsic value does not fluctuate with each performance. Caryn’s coach wisely advised her to focus on beating her average, not always striving for her best. This mindset encourages continuous improvement while allowing space for human fallibility.

Belonging to Oneself

True belonging, Caryn discovered, begins within. The journey to accept oneself, with all its flaws and fears, is foundational to being authentically present for others. This inner work creates a solid ground from which genuine connections can stem, paving the way for meaningful communal belonging.

The True Medal

Caryn’s story culminates in a bittersweet ending. Despite her injury and not making the Tokyo Olympic team, she achieved something far more enduring—the profound respect and gratitude of her teammates. This acknowledgment, founded on deep mutual understanding, became her most cherished medal.

Her narrative underscores the essence of true success. It is not measured by accolades but by the depth of our connections and the strength we derive from supporting one another. Caryn Davies’s journey, illuminated through this heartfelt conversation, is a beacon of hope for anyone striving to find where they truly belong, both within themselves and in the wider world.

In the end, the heart of a champion is not solely defined by victories but by the courage to be vulnerable, the wisdom to learn, and the grace to belong.